Royalty Jokes

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Tueday, 24/10/2017 02:10


What's the difference between a Lada and a Mercedes?

Diana wouldn't be seen dead in a Lada!


What was Di wearing that night??

Crushed Velvet.


What is the Queen giving the Duchess of York for Christmas?

Dinner for two at the Paris Ritz.


What did the mortitian sing?

Zippa De Dodi Zippa De Di


What does D.I.A.N.A. stand for ?

Died  In  A  Nasty  Accident.


A friend in England described Di's funeral as

"the biggest in American history."


  A CNN poll with an amazing statistic. 58% of women in this country 

think there was too *little* coverage of the Lady Di events. 

  Too little! And they wonder why we don't give them the remote control!"



You know with all the media coverage of Princess Diana's

death you'd think OJ killed her.



What's the difference between Michael Hutchence and Princess Di?

Princess Di left the Ritz Hotel alive. 


Did you hear that Princess Diana was at our 1996 Christmas 

 bachelor party?

The cake came out of the girl


  One day in heaven not too long ago Mother Theresa went to 

God in a rage.  

  "What's the problem, Mother?" he asked.

  "I have never been one to complain, as you know. But look 

at my halo, will you?"  

  "Yes, said God, puzzled. What about it? You've certainly 

earned it with all your good works." 

  "Well," said Mother Theresa, I just saw Princess Diana and 

hers is twice as large!  How can that be?"

  God laughed. "That's not a halo she's wearing, Mother 

Theresa, it's a steering wheel!"


What did Dodi say to his bodyguard before leaving the restaurant?

Do you want to come with me and Di?


What did Di's driver say before leaving the restaurant?

Those photographers drive me up the wall!


What happened to the Princess who stayed out past midnight?

She turned into a concrete pillar.


What's the difference between Princess Di and Tiger Woods?

Tiger has a better driver.


What did Princess Diana die of?

Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.   


  Prince Charles was driving in to Buckingham Palace when 

he accidentally ran over one of his mother's corgis.  At 

that very moment, the prince's fairy godmother appeared.

  "I'll give you one wish," she said to the prince.

  Charles looked at the poor injured corgi he held in his 

arms. "Please. Heal my mother's corgi." 

  The fairy godmother looked at the injured dog.

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's too late for the wee dog. But 

I'll give you another wish."

  "All right," said Prince Charles. "Could you make Camilla 


  "Let's see about that corgi...", replied the fairy godmother.


How is Prince Charles and Di's marriage like a firecracker?

One disappointing bang and the novelty wore off.


Why does Prince Charles think Di is like a case of hemorrhoids?

They're both a Royal pain in the ass.


Why didn't Superman rescue Princess Diana from the clutches of death?

Because he's in a wheelchair.


What's better, Princess Di douching or Dolly Parton's boobs?

Well, a royal flush beats a pair.


What would you call the prince of Monaco as he's going 

down on Grace Kelly while she's on the rag?

"Rudolph the red nosed Rainier." 


  Princess Di and the queen were riding in a limo when 

they were set upon by robbers.  Just in the nick of time, 

they were able to conceal most of their jewelry internally.  

When they inventoried their small losses while standing on 

the sidewalk, after the robbers drove off in their limo, 

the queen said, "Too bad Fergie wasn't with us.  We'd 

have been able to save the limo, too."


Why won't Princess Di give any more interviews about her bulimia?

She doesn't want to bring all that up again.


  Two men were talking in a pub in England. One of them asked the 

other what he did for a living, and he said, "I take care of the 

dogs owned by the royal family."

  When asked if he liked his work, the man replied, "Well, all 

that selective in-breeding has led to low intelligence and bad 

temperament. Oh, and the dogs aren't much better."



Prince Charles Top 10 Pickup lines

"Wanna hold the royal scepter?"

"Put a flag over my head and do it for England."

"Ever done it with an outdated historical anachronism?"

"If you think my ears are big..."

"Come upstairs with me and I'll make you the Princess of Wails."

"Care to join a family of inbreed freaks."

"Would you like to sit in a giant bowl of eggnog with me?"

"Why don't you lose that hayseed you're with, Hillary?"

"Let's put the bucking in Buckingham Palace."

"I've got Big Ben in my pants."



  Prince Charles was visiting Bundaberg. After an official greeting 

at the airport he was driven to his hotel by the mayor. The mayor 

had noticed that Charles was wearing a strange hat, made from some 

animal skin. He asked what it was made from and was told that it 

was fox hide.  The mayor asked why he had decided to wear it and 

Charles replied that prior to his Australian tour he had discussed 

his itinerary with his Mum. He had said "Mummy, I'm going to 

Australia. I'm going  to Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane and Bundaberg." 

Mummy had said "Bundaberg!!!! Wear the fox hat."

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