Uber Humor & Jokes You Can’t Stop Laughing At

     Uber Humor & Jokes You Can’t Stop Laughing At

 

If you’re an Uber driver you will know that you will not be lacking in the funny stories department. Some stories are funny, some make you cringe, and some even make you feel sorry for the passengers because they’re so corny.

 

These Uber humor and jokes makes you laugh so hard you can’t stop. Get ready!

 

 

Uber Humor & Jokes

 

•Terrifying: Nurses standing with wet linens wrapped around mentally ill patients.

oThought to be calming for them. 

•American teen Michael Fay was convicted of more than 50 counts of vandalism in Singapore in 1994 and sentenced to 6 strokes from a four-foot-long rattan cane.

oAs a result of President Clinton’s letter to Singapore’s prime minister, the number of strokes has been reduced from 6 to 4.

•Titanic’s musicians played as it went down.

oNo one survived. 

•Even though I don’t always check my voicemail…

oI do when I want it to end. 

•When you correct someone’s grammar, remember that nobody likes you.

oJim Gaffigan

•By joining Facebook…

oyou are basically having a conversation with yourself. 

•Grandma: I’m going to swipe between pages on my iPhone. (licks her thumb first)  

•Remember that the USA legalize the use of propaganda in the media this year.

oBe sure to question everything you hear and check your sources. 

•When people tell me, “You’ll regret it in the morning.

oIt’s because I’m a problem solver that I sleep till noon. 

•Usually, I don’t bookmark pages, but when I do, I never revisit them. 

•Took soothing flushable wipes to the store.

oUsed clorox disinfecting wipe instead. 

•Six years ago, I threw a boomerang and it never returned.

oNow I live in constant fear.

•I have 3 kids and no money.

oIf I had no kids and 3 money, I would be happy. 

•Growing up, we were taught not to get into cars with strangers,

obut now we jump into Uber without a second thought. 

•The older generation always scolds the younger generation for technological advancements…

oas if they sent messages via telegram. 

•I want a slug bug for my first car.

oThat way I know everywhere I go people are being punched.

•Nothing comes for free.

oYou must pay a price for everything in life.

•Actual first world problems: 

o1. My car could leave me stranded at any time. 

o2. Having slept in my bed for so long, it’s worn out. 

•When I eat potato chips,

oI can’t hear the TV.

•Currently, less than 20% of jobs require a four-year degree.

oWe’re lending money we don’t have to kids who can’t pay it back so they can educate themselves for jobs that no longer exist. 

•I may have alzheimers but at least I don’t have alzheimers. 

•I don’t always clean my car but when I do…

oI have a date in 15 minutes.

•In a way, Joe Biden’s brother resembles Joe Biden warning himself not to run for president in the future. 

•People who are smart are difficult to argue with,

obut people who are stupid are nearly impossible to argue with. 

•As a child, what was the dumbest thing you believed?

oThat I would grow up to be happy. 

•So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff. 

•When I catch someone speeding but don’t want to write them a ticket.

oI follow them while they are in suspense. 

•I am literally torn between wanting to go out and have fun and avoiding all human contact at the same time. 

•The only black guy who sells fried chicken and meth on Breaking Bad is a black man. 

•I like to see the good side in a bad situation. 

•I just pretend I crossed a finish line in a race I didn’t know I was in whenever I run into a spiderweb.

oHard to throw up from fear when you’re too busy being a champion. 

 

Thanks for reading!