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251 Jokes for Kids That are Hilarious
Looking for the best jokes for kids? We are sharing 250+ of the best jokes that are clean and family-friendly! No more cringing during the punch line with these jokes! Best of all you can grab our free printable jokes cards for even more laughs!
The Best Jokes For Kids
Q: How do all the oceans say hello to each other?
A: They wave!
Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: I’ll meet you at the corner!
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear!
Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
Q: Where do cows go for entertainment?
A: To the moo-vies!
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef!
Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?
A: Lean meat!
Q: What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A: A pork chop!
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A: Because you can see right through them!
Q: What animal needs to wear a wig?
A: A bald eagle!
Q: What do you call a fly without wings?
A: A walk!
Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?
A: Because they use honeycombs!
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An investigator!
Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
A: Because she will let it go!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite!
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck!
Q: Why did the man run around his bed?
A: Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
Q: Why did the math book look so sad?
A: Because it had so many problems!
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump!
Q: If April showers bring Mayflowers, what do Mayflowers bring?
A: Pilgrims!
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer!
Q: What did the zero say to the eight?
A: Nice belt!
Q: Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
A: Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right where you left him!
Q: Where do fish keep their money?
A: In the river bank!
Q: Why did the gum cross the road?
A: It was stuck to the chicken’s foot!
Q: What is brown and sticky?
A: A stick!
Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: It was framed!
Q: How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?
A: Your head hits the ceiling!
Q: Why are elephants so wrinkled?
A: Because they take too long to iron!
Q: How do you keep an elephant from charging?
A: Take away her credit card!
Q: Why did the elephant paint himself different colors?
A: So he could hide in the crayon box!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the footprints in the butter!
Q: What is the difference between elephants and grapes?
A: Grapes are purple.
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
A: “Here come the elephants!”
Q: What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming?
A: “Here come the grapes!” (She was colorblind.)
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide!
Q: What can you catch but not throw?
A: A cold!
Q: What has hands but can’t clap?
A: A clock!
Q: What do you call a dog that can tell time?
A: A watch dog!
Q: What did one hat say to the other?
A: Stay here, I’m going on ahead. (going on a head)
Q: What side of a turkey has the most feathers?
A: The outside!
Q: What falls in winter but never gets hurt?
A: The snow!
Q: Why did the teacher put on sunglasses?
A: Because her students were so bright!
Q: How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
A: Shocked!
Q: Why do strings never win a race?
A: Because they always tie!
Q: What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
A: Sneakers!
Q: What do you call a flower that runs on electricity?
A: A power plant!
Q: Why couldn’t the pony sing in the choir?
A: Because she was a little horse!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the nurse?
A: Because he felt crummy!
Q: What kind of room doesn’t have doors?
A: A mushroom!
Q: What did one plate say to the other?
A: Dinner is on me!
Q: How do you make a lemon drop?
A: Just let go of it!
Q: Why did the boy throw his clock out the window?
A: Because he wanted to see time fly!
Q: What does an evil hen lay?
A: Deviled eggs!
Q: Which hand is better to write with?
A: Neither. It’s better to write with a pencil!
Q: What did the traffic light say to the truck?
A: Don’t look! I’m changing!
Q: What is the witch’s favorite school subject?
A: Spelling!
Q: What did the frog order for lunch?
A: A burger and a diet croak!
Q: Why did the teddy bear not want any dessert?
A: Because she was stuffed!
Q: What do you call a fly without wings?
A: A walk.
Q: Why should you never trust a pig with a secret?
A: Because it’s bound to squeal.
Q: What do cows order from?
A: Cattle-logs!
Q: What’s the difference between broccoli and boogers?
A: Kids don’t eat broccoli!
Q: What kind of haircuts do bees get?
A: Buzzzzcuts!
Q: How can you tell if someone is a good farmer?
A: He is outstanding in his field!
Q: What do you call a man with a shovel?
A: Doug.
Q: How do mountains stay warm in winter?
A: Snowcaps
Q: Why can’t a person’s nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!
Q: What has a ton of ears but can’t hear a thing?
A: A corn field.
Q: What do you call the horse that lives next door?
A: Your neighbor!
Q: Why did the man put sugar on his pillow?
A: He wanted to have sweet dreams!
Q: Why did the computer sneeze?
A: Because it had a virus!
Q: What do you call two banana peels?
A: A pair of slippers!
Q: What do you call a cow who gets her way all the time?
A: Spoiled milk!
Q: How does a scientist freshen her breath?
A: With experi-mints!
Q: What is a computer programmer’s favorite snack?
A: Computer chips!
Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A: Because they don’t know the words!
Q: What do you call a mad elephant?
A: An earthquake!
Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A: Because it’s too far to walk!
Q: What do you get on every birthday?
A: A year older!
Q: Why should you not talk to circles?
A: Because there is no point!
Q: Why is it dangerous to play cards in the jungle?
A: Because there are so many CHEETAHS! (cheaters)
Q: How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
A: With a pumpkin patch!
Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
Q: How many apples grow on a tree?
A: All of them!
Q: What’s gray and goes round and round?
A: An elephant in a washing machine!
Q: Why can’t an egg tell a joke?
A: It will crack up!
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one!
Q: What do fish play on the piano?
A: Scales!
Q: Where do hamburgers go dancing?
A: A meat ball!
jokes for kids question:
Q: Where do hamburgers go dancing?
A: A meat ball! on a purple background
Q: How do billboards talk?
A: Sign language!
Q: What do snakes like to study in school?
A: Hissss-tory!
Q: What kind of music do balloons hate?
A: Pop music.
Q: What do you call a sad strawberry?
A: A blueberry!
Q: What do you call a cow that can’t moo?
A: A milk dud.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A: A stick
Q: What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
A: Thunderwear.
Q: Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
A: Dill with it.
Q: What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
A: Time to get a new clock.
Q: How does a cucumber become a pickle?
A: It goes through a jarring experience.
jokes for kids question
Q: How does a cucumber become a pickle?
A: It goes through a jarring experience on a purple background
Q: What did one toilet say to the other?
A: You look a bit flushed.
Q: What do you think of that new diner on the moon?
A: Food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.
Q: What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A: A tuba toothpaste.
Q: Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
A: Because she wanted to go to high school.
Q: What do you call a dog magician?
A: A labracadabrador.
Q: Where would you find an elephant?
A: The same place you lost her.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you?
A: Act like a nut.
Q: What do you call two birds in love?
A: Tweethearts
Q: How are false teeth like stars?
A: They come out at night.
Q: How are false teeth like stars?
A: They come out at night on a blue background
Q: What building in your town has the most stories?
A: The public library.
Q: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm.
Q: What did one volcano say to the other?
A: I lava you.
Q: How do we know that the ocean is friendly?
A: It waves.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
A: Twister.
Q: How does the moon cut his hair?
A: Eclipse it.
Q: How do you talk to a giant?
A: Use big words.
Q: What animal is always at a baseball game?
A: A bat
Q: What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?
A: That hit the spot.
Q: Why did the kid cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.
Q: What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
A: R2 detour.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: Because he felt crummy.
Q: Why was the baby strawberry crying?
A: Because her mom and dad were in a jam.
Q: What did the little corn say to the mama corn?
A: Where is pop corn?
Q: How do you make a lemon drop?
A: Just let it fall.
Q: What did the limestone say to the geologist?
A: Don’t take me for granite.
Q: Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
A: Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.
Q: What kind of water can’t freeze?
A:Hot water
Q: What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A: A palm tree.
Q: What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A: A dino-snore
Q: What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A: A dino-snore on a pink background
Q: What is fast, loud and crunchy?
A: A rocket chip.
Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye?
A: Between us, something smells.
Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
A: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
Q: When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?
A: Because when you find it, you stop looking.
Q: What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?
A: A coconut on vacation.
Q: What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday?
A: Happy Birthday.
Q: What’s the one thing will you get every year on your birthday, guaranteed?
A: A year older.
Q: Why do candles always go on the top of cakes?
A: Because it’s hard to light them from the bottom.
Q: What do cakes and baseball teams have in common?
A: They both need a good batter.
Q: What goes up but never comes down?
A: Your age
Q: What goes up but never comes down?
A: Your age on a purple background
Q: What does every birthday end with?
A: The letter Y.
Q: What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
A: It’s roar birthday.
Q: Why did the girl put her cake in the freezer?
A: She wanted to ice it.
Q: Does a green candle burn longer than a pink one?
A: No, they both burn shorter.
Q: Why did the little girl hit her birthday cake with a hammer?
A: It was a pound cake.
Q: Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?
A: Because it had more cents.
Q: Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated?
A: Because it’s never right.
Q: Why is six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven eight nine.
Q: Why was the equal sign so humble?
A: Because he wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.
Q: What do you call guys who love math?
A: Algebros.
Q: What do you call guys who love math?
A: Algebros on a purple background
Q: How do you stay warm in any room?
A: Go to the corner—it’s always 90 degrees.
Q: Why was the fraction nervous about marrying the decimal?
A: Because he would have to convert.
Q: Are monsters good at math?
A: Not unless you count Dracula.
Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: Because it had too many problems.
Q: Why does nobody talk to circles?
A: Because there’s no point.
Q: Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby?
A: She was a little horse.
Q: What was the first animal in space?
A: The cow that jumped over the moon.
Q: Why don’t elephants chew gum?
A: They do, just not in public.
Q: What did the banana say to the dog?
A: Bananas can’t talk.
Q: How do you make an octopus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles.
Q: How do you make an octopus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles on a blue background
Q: How do you fit more pigs on a farm?
A: Build a sty-scraper.
Q: What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk?
A: An udder failure.
Q: What do you call a cow that won’t give milk?
A: A milk dud.
Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll
Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: Ouch!
Q: Why did the snake cross the road?
A: To get to the other ssside.
Q: What did the ocean say to the pirate?
A: Nothing, it just waved.
Q: Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
A: Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
Q: Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
A: Because they’ll just wash up on shore later on a peach background
Q: What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
A: He got marooned.
Q: How did the pirate get his flag so cheaply?
A: He bought it on sail.
Q: What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
A: 8 pirates
Q: How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A: About a buck an ear.
Q: What is a cat’s favorite color?
A: Purrr-ple.
Q: What song does a cat like best?
A: Three Blind Mice.
Q: Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
A: To the mew-seum.
Q: What kind of kitten works for the Red Cross?
A: A first-aid kit.
Q: Why are cats good at video games?
A: Because they have nine lives.
Q: What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
A: “Me-ow.”
Q: What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
A: “Me-ow.” on a pink background
Q: What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and a cat that follows you?
A: One is a cat copy; the other is a copy cat.
Q: What do you get when you cross a ball and a cat?
A: A fur ball.
Q: What’s a cat’s favorite magazine?
A: A cat-alogue.
Q: What cat likes living in water?
A: An octo-puss.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to school?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.
Q: How does a vampire start a letter?
A: Tomb it may concern…
Q: What is a monster’s favorite dessert?
A: I scream.
Q: What monster plays tricks on Halloween?
A: Prank-enstein.
Q: What kind of music do mummies love?
A: Wrap music.
Q: What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
A: Straw-berries.
Q: What does a witch use to do her hair?
A: Scarespray.
Q: What room does a ghost not need?
A: A living room
Q: What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A: A blood hound.
Q: What is a ghost’s nose full of?
A: Boo-gers.
Q: Are black cats bad luck?Are black cats bad luck?
A: Sure, if you’re a mouse.
Q: What do you call two witches living together?
A: Broommates.
Q: Why did the zombie skip school?
A: He was feeling rotten.
Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A blood orange.
Q: What instrument does a skeleton play?
A: The trom-bone.
Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: Day-scare centers.
Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: Day-scare centers on a purple background
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
A: Because he had no body to go with.
Q: What candy do you eat on the playground?
A: Recess pieces.
Q: How do ghosts wash their hair?
A: With sham-boo.
Q: What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling.
Q: What’s big, scary and has three wheels?
A: A monster on a tricycle.
Q: Why don’t vampires have more friends?
A: Because they are a pain in the neck.
Q: What position does a ghost play in hockey?
A: Ghoulie
Q: What do you give a vampire when he’s sick?
A: Coffin drops.
Q: What kinds of pants do ghosts wear?
A: Boo-jeans.
Q: Who isn’t hungry at Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey—he’s already stuffed.
Q: Who isn’t hungry at Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey—he’s already stuffed on a blue background
Q: Can a turkey jump higher than Mount Everest?
A: Yes, because a building can’t jump at all.
Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A: The outside.
Q: What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
A: The letter g.
Q: What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
A: The tur-key.
Q: Where does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
A: In the dictionary.
Q: Why did pilgrims’ pants always fall down?
A: Because they wore their belt buckle on their hat.
Q: What key won’t open any door?
A: A turkey.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken’s day off.
Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A: It was stuck on the turkey’s foot.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
A: To show he wasn’t a chicken.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
A: To show he wasn’t a chicken on a peach background
Q: What do you get when a turkey lays an egg on top of a barn?
A: An eggroll.
Q: Why was the turkey the drummer in the band?
A: Because he had drumsticks.
Q: What’s the best thing to put into pumpkin pie?
A: Your teeth.
Q: What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
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