175 Best Dad Jokes for Kids and Adults

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Monday, 05/09/2022 10:09

    175 Best Dad Jokes for Kids and Adults

 

What’s the best thing about Switzerland? It's debatable, but the flag’s a big plus.

 

C'mon, admit it: You can't help but snicker at that one. Sure, they may get a bad rap, but there's nothing more satisfying than laughing — and, well, groaning — at a corny yet clever dad joke.

 

Despite the name, these silly one-liners and knock-knock jokes aren't reserved for dads (but, let's face it, no one can compete with your old man's delivery). Our suggestion: Secure your spot as the #1 jokester by always having a few pun-laden, cringe-worthy dad jokes memorized and ready to go.

 

Giving a presentation at work? Break the ice with an office-appropriate joke about why the sun didn't go to college. A hint: It already had a million degrees.

 

If you're having a few cocktails with the crew, crack them up with “I used to be banker, but I lost interest.” Or if things get awkward over the holidays, bust out a few Thanksgiving or Christmas jokes to lighten the mood.

 

So, get ready to take notes because these dad jokes are so awesome, you’ll want to write them all down. Just make sure the pencil’s not broken because that would be, ahem, pointless.

 

 

 

Funny dad jokes for all ages

  • What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire.

  • Why did the girl toss a clock out the window? She wanted to see time fly.

  • Where do armies belong? In your sleeves.

  • What did one plate say to another plate? Tonight, dinner's on me.

  • Did you hear about the king that went to the dentist? He needed to get crowns.

  • What happens when doctors get frustrated? They lose their patients.

  • What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

  • What invention allows us to see through walls? Windows.

  • What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

  • Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.

  • Why do nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.

  • What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? 14 carrot gold.

  • Why can't the sailor learn the alphabet? Because he kept getting lost at C.

  • What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!

  • How do celebrities keep cool? They have many fans.

  • What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!

  • Why did the boy bring a ladder on the bus? He wanted to go to high school.

  • Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? Just in case he got a hole in one.

  • Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog? He wanted to get a long little doggy.

  • How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.

  • What’s more unbelievable than a talking dog? A spelling bee.

  • What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

  • What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.

  • Why shouldn’t you trust trees? They seem shady.

  • How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.

  • What kind of music scares balloons? Pop music.

  • Why did the orange stop halfway across the road? It ran out of juice.

  • Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? It lost its filling.

  • How do you get an astronaut’s baby to stop crying? You rocket.

  • What do dogs and phones have in common? Both have collar ID.

  • Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

  • What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather? A shoe.

  • How do you stop a bull from charging? You cancel its credit card.

  • Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.

  • Why are fish so smart? Because they swim in schools.

  • Why did the employee get fired from the keyboard factory? He wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

  • Did you hear about the man who cut off his left leg? He’s all right now.

  • Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.

  • What kind of music should you listen to while fishing? Something catchy!

  • What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court? Annette.

  • What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. It just waved.

  • What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.

  • Why did the nose feel sad? It was always getting picked on.

  • Did you hear about the cold dinner? It was chili.

  • Why did the deer go to the dentist? It had buck teeth.

  • Why can’t you trust a balloon? It’s full of hot air

  • A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!

  • Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns. That’s just how eye roll.

  • Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.

  • Where does a sheep go to get a haircut? The baa baa shop.

  • What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bed time.

  • Why should you never use a dull pencil? Because it’s pointless.

  • Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby.

  • Where did the cat go after losing its tail? The retail store.

  • Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.

  • What kind of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad.

  • What do you call a herd of sheep falling down a hill? A lambslide.

  • How do you organize a space party? You planet.

  • How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

  • What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater.

  • What do you call a moose with no name? Anonymoose.

  • Why did the ram run over the cliff? He didn’t see the ewe turn.

  • Why did the picture go to jail? He was framed.

  • What is a calendar’s favorite food? Dates.

  • Why was the football stadium cold? There were too many fans.

  • Why do bananas wear sunscreen? Because they peel.

  • Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs.

  • Why did the watch go on vacation? To unwind.

  • How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together.

  • Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.

  • Why did the computer get glasses? To improve its website.

  • What did the blanket say to the bed? I’ve got you covered.

  • What did the roof say to the shingle? The first one’s on the house.

  • What do you call birds that stick together? Velcrows

  • Why did the duck fall on the sidewalk? He tripped on a quack.

  • How do birds learn to fly? They wing it.

  • Did you hear about the walnut and cashew that threw a party? It was nuts.

  • Did the hear about the ice cream truck accident? It crashed on a rocky road.

  • What kind of bird works on a construction site? A crane.

  • What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I’m coming down with something.

  • What did the hamburger name its baby? Patty.

  • What type of music do the planets enjoy? Neptunes.

  • Why did the phone wear glasses? Because it lost all its contacts.

  • Why do bakers work so hard? Because they knead dough.

  • Why are fish so easy to weigh? Because they have their own set of scales.

  • What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.

  • What do you give a scientist with bad breath? Experi-mints.

  • What did Benjamin Franklin say when he discovered electricity? Nothing. He was too shocked.

  • What do you call a medieval lamp? A knight light.

  • What did one hat say to the other? You go on ahead.

  • Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad.

  • What does an evil hen lay? Deviled eggs.

  • How can you tell the difference between a dog and tree? By their bark.

  • Why do dragons sleep during the day? Because they like to fight knights.

  • Why did the scarecrow win an award? It was outstanding in its field.

  • Did you hear about the 12-inch dog? It was a foot long.

  • Why did the baseball player get arrested? He stole third base.

  • What did one piece of tape say to the other? Let’s stick together.

  • What's brown and sticky? A stick.

  • How does the rancher keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator.

  • What do you call a shoe made out of a banana? A slipper.

  • How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.

  • Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the dock.

  • Can February March? No, but April May!

  • What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.

  • Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!

  • Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sundae school.

  • What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw-berries

  • Where do burgers go dancing? At the meatball.

  • What time do ducks wake up? At the quack of dawn.

  • Why was the broom late? It over-swept.

  • What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.

  • Where do books hide when they’re afraid? Under their covers.

  • How do trees get on the internet? They log in.

  • What does a painter do when he gets cold? Puts on another coat.

  • What did the calculator say to the pencil? You can count on me.

  • What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

  • What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.

  • What do cows like to read? Cattle-logs.

  • How did the farmer fix his torn overalls? With a cabbage patch.

  • How much money does a skunk have? Just one scent.

  • What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish? Swimming trunks.

  • What kind of cereal do leprechauns eat? Lucky Charms.

  • What do you call recently-married spiders? Newly-webs.

  • Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado.

  • What do you get when you cross a Smurf and a cow? Blue cheese.

  • What happens when ice cream gets angry? It has a meltdown.

  • What do you call a locomotive carrying bubble gum? A chew chew train.

  • How do you get a mouse to smile? Say “cheese.”

  • Why couldn’t the bike stand up on its own? It was too tired.

  • What do you call a sheep that knows karate? A lamb chop.

  • Why did the snowman buy a bag of carrots? He wanted to pick his nose.

  • What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? That hit the spot.

  • How do you know when a bike is thinking? You can see its wheels turning.

  • What does a librarian use to go fishing? A bookworm.

  • What did one leaf say to the other? I’m falling for you.

  • Where’s the one place you should never take your dog? A flea market.

  • How does Darth Vader like his bagels? On the dark side.

  • What do you call spaghetti in disguise? An impasta.

  • Why did the tailor get fired? He wasn’t a good fit.

  • Where do elephants store luggage? In a trunk.

  • Why did the poodle buy a clock? It wanted to be a watch dog.

  • Why do birds fly south? Because it’s too far to talk.

  • What do you call a fly with a sore throat? A hoarse fly.

  • Dogs can’t operate MRI machines — but cats-can.

  • If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?

  • I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll have a grape.

  • Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just-water.

  • It was an emotional wedding — even the cake was in tiers.

  • Why did Waldo go to therapy? To find himself.

  • I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

  • Our vacuum cleaner is getting old. It's just gathering dust.

  • Why did the thief take a shower before robbing the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.

  • What do lawyers wear to work? Law suits.

  • Why was the traffic light late to work? It took too long to change.

  • Why do hamburgers go south for the winter? So they don’t freeze their buns.

  • Why didn’t the sun go to college? It already had a million degrees.

  • What do you call someone who can’t stick to a diet? A desserter.

  • Why did the little strawberry cry? His mom was in a jam.

  • Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.

  • What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

  • Why did the whale blush? It saw the ocean’s bottom.

  • Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job.

  • I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.

  • Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.

  • I went to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.

  • Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.

  • I haven’t talked to my wife in a week — I didn’t want to interrupt her.

  • Why are pigs bad drivers? They hog the road.

  • I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!

  • Why did police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.

  • What do computers eat for a snack? Microchips.

  • How do frogs invest their money? They use a stock croaker.

  • Did you hear about the whale that swallowed a clown? It felt funny after.

  • The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Thanks for reading!

Big Bill Rizer

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