These Short Funny Jokes Will Brighten Your Day

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Monday, 30/10/2017 10:10
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The problem with standard jokes is that you have to wait too long for the punchline – which may then turn out to be not that funny. 

 

One or two liners that capture the humor in a few words. There are countless sources for funny stories, but most people simply don’t have time for them in their busy schedule. And, since a sense of what is funny or not is so personal, you might need to glance at a number of jokes before finding those that make you smile, chuckle, or laugh out loud.

This compilation of short funny jokes has been chosen by our Life Daily researchers to provide the widest possible variety to suit all tastes

 

Being short, they are easy to memorize and can be used as an ice-breaker with strangers. They can also be introduced when there are awkward pauses in the flow of conversation, or can even be used to spice up a speech. Short funny jokes give you a quick funny fix, so browse through our selection to find your favorite.

 

1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

 

2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

 

3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

 

4. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

 

5. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 

6. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

 

7. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

 

8. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

 

9. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

 

10. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…

 

11. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

 

12. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

 

13. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”

 

14. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but checks when you say the paint is wet?

 

15. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 

16. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

 

17. Good girls are bad girls who never get caught.

 

18. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

 

19. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 

20. Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

 

21. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

 

22. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

 

23. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

 

24. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

 

25. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

 

26. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

 

27. A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

 

28. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an a**hole.

 

29. With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

 

30. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

Super Led Boy
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