Jokes of the day at the earliest 2022

0/5 (0) votes

Tueday, 04/01/2022 04:01

   Jokes of the day at the earliest 2022

 

Here at 2jokes, we publish a brand new funny joke of the day each and every day of the year.

 

 

Steak Preference

 

Waiter: “How do you like your steak, sir?”

 

Me: “Like winning an argument with my wife.”

 

Waiter: “Rare it is!”

 

 

Last Meal

 

What did the cannibal choose as his last meal?

 

Five guys.

 

 

Body Part Tracker

 

How does Dr. Frankenstein keep track of his body parts?

 

He uses an organ-izer.

 

 

The Grinch

 

Why does the Grinch hate knock knock jokes?

 

Because it’s always Who’s there.

 

 

Extra Asparagus

 

 

I bought 10 asparagus at the store but when I got home I realized I had 11.

 

It was just a spare, I guess.

 

 

Stolen Thesaurus

 

 

My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus.

 

This accusation has made me dumbfounded, awestricken, flabbergasted, stupefied and quite frankly, bewildered.

 

 

Hershey Bar

 

Shouldn’t a Hershey bar with nuts in it…

 

Be called a Himhe?

 

Crammed Giraffes

 

What do you call it when giraffes are all crammed together and having trouble moving?

 

Giraffic.

 

 

Flight Company

 

I’m starting a flight company exclusively for bald people. I’ll call it…

 

Receding airlines.

 

Roman Poisons

 

Did you know that the Ancient Romans had four types of poison?

 

Poisons I, II, and III instantly killed the victim upon contact.

 

Poison IV, though, just made the victim extremely itchy.

 

Online IQ Test

 

I just scored a 170 on an online IQ test and only had to answer three simple questions:

 

1. My credit card number.

 

2. My social security number.

 

3. Upload a signed copy of my birth certificate.

 

 

Great Pyramids

 

Why are the great pyramids in Egypt?

 

Because they were too heavy to carry off to the British museum.

 

Shortened Rope

 

I shortened the rope on the bucket used to collect the village’s water.

 

Didn’t go down well.

 

Drummer Retirement

 

 

Why can’t drummers come back from retirement?

 

Because there will be repercussions.

 

Three Words

 

I went for a job interview and the interviewer asked me to state my biggest weakness in three words.

 

“Not very good at math,” I replied.

 

New Year Party

 

I never remember what people tell me at New Year’s parties.

 

It goes in one year and out the other.

 

Dream Girl

 

Nine years ago I asked the girl of my dreams on a date.

 

Today I asked her to marry me.

 

She said no both times.

 

Air Freshener

 

I’ve just invented the first thought controlled air freshener.

 

It makes scents when you think about it.

 

Keyboard Switcher

 

I ran into the office this morning and switched the m and n keys on as many keyboards as I could. Some might call me a monster but …

 

The rest are definitely goimg to call ne a nomster.

 

Large Fries

 

I went to MacDonald’s and ordered 2 large fries.

 

They gave me around 75 tiny ones instead.

 

Baby’s Coming

 

My wife phoned me, panting and breathless.

 

“Where are you?” she moaned.

 

“I’m at the pub,” I replied.

 

She said, “I think the baby’s coming!”

 

I said, “Well, he won’t get in. He’s underage.”

 

Roman Numeral Society

 

The cost of joining the Roman Numeral Society was exactly $499.

 

They wouldn’t let me in because I didn’t have ID.

 

Expensive Places

 

I don’t usually brag about going to expensive places…

 

But I just left the gas station.

 

Clean Each Other’s Places

 

Before we were married, my wife used to clean up my place, and I used to clean hers.

 

Eventually we realized we were maid for each other.

 

Unreal Canada

 

I just found out Canada isn’t real.

 

Turns out it was all maple leaf.

 

Tower Climber

 

I tried to climb a really tall tower in France…

 

But Eiffel off.

 

Retired Perfume Maker

 

Why couldn’t anyone understand the retired perfume maker?

 

Because he no longer made scents.

 

Town Residents

 

Did you hear about the town that legalised pot but banned alcohol?

 

The residents were left high and dry.

 

Long Necks

 

My wife said she’ll divorce me if I keep making puns about birds with long necks.

 

That’s swan way to go about it.

 

Simple Instructions

 

To who ever put the “L” in Noel…

 

Is it that hard to follow simple instructions?

 

Winter Car

 

Well, it’s time to get my winter car ready…

 

And put away my autumn-mobile.

 

Best Antidepressant

 

I told my doctor, “Yoga is the best antidepressant available.”

 

“Sounds like a bit of a stretch”, he replied.

 

Fast Old Men

 

If slow old men use walking sticks, what do fast old men use?

 

Hurry canes.

 

Swiss Bank

 

A man wants to deposit money at a Swiss bank.

 

“How much do you want to deposit?” asks the bank employee.

 

The man looks around and whispers, “Three million.”

 

“You can speak up,” says the bank clerk. “In Switzerland, poverty is not a disgrace.”

 

Spider-Man Movie

 

I told my dad I want to see Spider-Man: Far From Home.

 

He said, “But son, it’s the same film if you watch it here.”

 

Arsonist Hook Up

 

How do two arsonists hook up?

 

A match on tinder.

 

Fishing Tournament

 

What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?

 

Live stream.

 

Tesla Founder

 

Tesla founder Elon Musk is originally from South Africa, which is strange.

 

You’d think he was from Mad-at-gas-car.

 

Naked Body

 

As I looked at my naked body in the mirror…

 

I realised that I was going to get kicked out of IKEA.

 

Favorite Fruit

 

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?

 

 

A ba-na-na-na.

 

Thanks for reading!

Big Bill Rizer

HOT TOPIC

Yo Mama Jokes

Knock Knock Jokes

Romantic Quotes

More fun with johnny upgrade cool maths, klondike turn 3, i will love you forever quotes, klondike solitaire turn one

CATEGORIES