Joker Of The Day: The Hitman

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Wednesday, 05/08/2020 02:08

Bill is at the funeral of an old High School friend in Manhattan.

 

They’re all standing in the graveyard gathering their thoughts after the coffin has been lowered, when Bill notices Jim, another old friend from his High School days.

 

“Hello Jim” says Bill.

 

“Hello buddy, it’s been a long time. How are you?” asks Jim.

 

Bill responds positively but he’s puzzled as to why Jim is carrying an attaché case at a funeral.

 

“What’s in the case?” asks Bill.

 

“Oh, this is a tool of my trade.” says Jim.

 

“What do you mean? What sort of tool is it?” asks Bill.

 

“It’s a high velocity rifle.” says Jim.

 

“Now why would you need a high velocity rifle?” asks Bill.

 

 “Because I’m a hitman.” says Jim.

 

“Dream on! You’re yanking my chain, surely?” says Bill.

 

“I’m serious” says Jim, “I make my living as a hitman. Take a look.”

With that Jim opens the attaché case to show he does indeed have a high velocity rifle complete with telescopic sight and silencer.

 

“Wow” says Bill, “Can I take a closer look at that?”

 

“Sure!” says Jim. With that he assembles the rifle, fits the telescopic sight and then passes it across to Bill.

 

Bill lifts the rifle to his shoulder and peers through the telescopic sight. “Wow! This is amazing. I can see everything so clearly.”

 

“Impressive, eh?” says Jim.

 

“Yes sir. I can see right across Central Park. I can even see my own apartment on Central Park West.” says Bill. “Wait a minute I can see right through my bedroom window and I can see my wife’s having sex with my neighbour.”

 

“Really?” says Jim.

 

“Yeah, really!” says Bill. “How much do you charge for a hit?”

 

“Well I charge $10,000 dollars per shot but with this telescopic sight I only ever need one shot to hit the target.” says Jim.

 

“Right!” says Bill. “I’ll have two. I want you to shoot her right through the head and I want you to shoot him in the genitals.”

 

So Jim takes the rifle, puts it so his shoulder, peers down the lens of the telescopic sight and carefully starts taking aim. However he then seems to take an age, as he starts waving the rifle barrel around and keeps adjusting the line of sight.

As he waits, Bill starts getting increasingly agitated as he thinks about what’s going on in his apartment.

 

“What’s going on now?” he asks, clearly freaking out. “What are they doing? Why are you taking so long? Why are you hesitating?”

 

“Have patience my friend”, says Jim. “I’m trying to save you ten grand.”

Big Bill Rizer

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