How Many Students Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb At...

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Thuday, 21/01/2021 03:01

Vanderbilt: Two--one to call the electrician and one to call daddy to pay the bill


Princeton: Two--one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician


Brown: Eleven--one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience


Dartmouth: None--Hanover doesn't have electricity


Cornell: Two--One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure


Penn: Only one, but he gets six credits for it


Columbia: Seventy-six-- one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter protest


Yale: None--New Haven looks better in the dark


Harvard: One--he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him

MIT: Five--one to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that naked lightbulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch


Vassar: Eleven--one to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation


Middlebury: Five--One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion


Stanford: One, dude


Oberlin: Three--one to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one


Georgetown: Four--one to change it, one to call Congress about their progress, and two to throw the old bulb at the American U. students


Duke: A whole frat--but only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb out of the socket


Williams: The whole student body--when you're snowed in, there's nothing else to do


Amherst: Two--one to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as an Ivy League student


Sarah Lawrence: Five--one to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about it


Swarthmore: Eight--it's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress


Boston University: Four--one to change the bulb and two to check his math homework


Colgate: Fourteen--one to change the bulb and a 13-person a capella group to immortalize the event in song


Wesleyan: Wesleyan's boycotting GE... you know, military-industrial complex and all that


Sewanee: Seven--the five-person Honor Council to decide if it is against the Honor Code to change lightbulbs, one to find a reference in Faulkner to lightbulb changing, and one to pray for the repose of the soul of the deceased bulb


Connecticut College: Two--one to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were at a better school the lightbulb wouldn't go out


Virginia: Three--one to change the bulb, one to hold the keg he's standing on, and another to attribute electricity to Mr. Jefferson


Kenyon: Two--one to change the bulb and one to claim that Paul Newman touched the bulb


Bowdoin: Three--one to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb, one to take the chairlift back to school, and one to screw it in


Boston College: Seven--one to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time


Santa Clara University: One--but you would never know about it because only Cal and Stanford get press for changing their lightbulbs


Marymount University: 24 (the whole graduating class)--one to run across the street to Fordham to borrow a lightbulb, one to actually do the deed, and 22 others to write poetry about it.


Big Bill Rizer


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