Best Lawyer Jokes Ever--Funny Lawyer Jokes Clean One Liner Jokes

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Thuday, 01/09/2016 08:09

Best Lawyer Jokes Ever

 

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Best Lawyer Jokes Ever

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Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?

A: Shoot him before he hits the water.

 

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?

A: Shoot him before he hits the water.

 

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

A: Not enough sand.

 

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?

A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!

 

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?

A: Shoot the lawyer twice.

 

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A good start!

 

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

A: His lips are moving.

 

Best Lawyer Jokes Ever For You Of The Day

Best Lawyer Jokes Ever

 

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

 

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

A: To practice.

 

Q: What's the difference between lawyers and buzzards?

A: Lawyers have removable wing tips.

 

Q: What's the definition of a lawyer?

A: A mouth with a life support system.

 

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?

A: No changes occur.

 

Q: What's the difference between God and an attorney?

A: God doesn't think he's an attorney.

 

Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?

A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers

 

Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?

A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.

 

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.

 

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.

 

Best Lawyer Jokes Ever For You Of All The Time

Best Lawyer Jokes Ever One Liners

 

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

A: One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.

 

Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

A. You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

 

Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

A: The caterer.

 

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.

 

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: Once launched, they can't be recalled.

 

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?

A: Just two, all the rest are true.

 

Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?

A: Never enough.

 

Q: Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?

A: You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you'd been there eight hours. 

 

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