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Best Lawyer Jokes Ever
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Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Best Lawyer Jokes Ever
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
Q: What's the difference between lawyers and buzzards?
A: Lawyers have removable wing tips.
Q: What's the definition of a lawyer?
A: A mouth with a life support system.
Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
A: No changes occur.
Q: What's the difference between God and an attorney?
A: God doesn't think he's an attorney.
Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers
Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Best Lawyer Jokes Ever One Liners
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
A: One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.
Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: Once launched, they can't be recalled.
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Just two, all the rest are true.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?
A: You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you'd been there eight hours.
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