150+ Joke of the Day for Adults 2022

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Sunday, 12/06/2022 07:06

       150+ Joke of the Day for Adults 2022

 

This huge collection offers something entertaining for everyone, from the greatest clean jokes for adults to funny joke of the day for adults.

 

 

1. How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist.

 

2. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

 

3. What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.

 

4. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? “Thanks for coming!”

 

5. How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

 

6. What’s long and hard and full of semen? A submarine!

 

7. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because they won’t stop to ask for directions.

 

8. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball!

 

9. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”

 

10. What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste!

 

Jokes for Adults

 

11. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We’re closed.

 

12. What’s the difference between your penis and a bonus check? Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

 

13. Woman in green sweater covering eyes with her arm and laughing

 

14. What’s the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber.

 

15. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it.

 

16. Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.

 

17. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died!

 

18. What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters? They just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out.”

 

19. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Gum!

 

20. What are the three shortest words in the English language? “Is it in?”

 

Bad Joke of the Day for Adults

 

21. What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

 

22. What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

 

23. What does Pinocchio’s lover say to him? “Lie to me! Lie to me!”

 

24. What comes after 69? Mouthwash.

 

25. If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?

 

26. Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough.–Pluto

 

27. Why can’t you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls.

 

28. My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

 

29. “I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,” the woman told her dentist. He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”

 

30. What do you call an expert fisherman? A Master Baiter.

 

Hilarious Jokes

 

31. What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.

 

32. How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

 

33. Why did the squirrel swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry.

 

34. Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.

 

35. Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes!

 

36. What do you get when you jingle Santa‘s balls? A white Christmas!

 

37. What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this crap.

 

38. What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? A dictator!

 

39. What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

 

40. What’s long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit The Frog’s fingers!

 

Best Joke of the Day for Adults

 

41. How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

 

42. What did the leper say to the sex worker? Keep the tip.

 

43. What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name? Papa Boner.

 

44. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor!

 

45. What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? A beaver dam!

 

46. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

 

47. What do you do when your cat’s dead? Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.

 

48. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin’ off!

 

49. What do you call cheap circumcision? A rip-off!

 

50. Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells!

 

Corny Jokes

 

51. How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking s*** from someone.

 

52. Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

 

53. “Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

 

54. A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

 

55. If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

 

56. A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, “Honey, I shaved down there. Do you know what that means?” The boyfriend says, “Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.”

 

57. How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.

 

58. What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

 

59. I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.

 

60. They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

 

Awesome Joke of the Day for Adults

 

61. Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

 

62. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

 

63.  Why are men like diapers? They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.

 

64. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom

 

65. What do you call an expert fisherman? A Master Baiter

 

66. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.

 

67. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We’re closed.

 

68. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?  I want you inside me!

 

69. What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.

 

70. What do you do with a year’s worth of used condoms? Melt them into a tire and call it a good year.

 

Funny One Liner Jokes

 

71. How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.

 

72. How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.

 

73. What does a perverted frog say?  Rubbit

 

74. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? I want you inside me!

 

75. What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.

 

76. What 72? 69 with three people watching.

 

77. They say makeup sex is the best Which is lucky because all my sex is made up

 

78. Which sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!

 

79. I asked my partner if I was the only one, she’s/he’s been with. She/he said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”

 

80. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.

 

Joke of the Day

 

81. Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club. Thank you all for coming.

 

82. What did the penis say to the vagina? Don’t make me come in there!

 

83. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

 

84. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? Thanks for coming!

 

85. How is a boyfriend/girlfriend like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.

 

86. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

 

87. How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

 

88. What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this shit.

 

89. What goes in hard and dry then comes out wet and soft? Chewing gum

 

90. What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me, I’m going in

 

Short Jokes

 

91. What kind of Bees produce milk? Boobees

 

92. What’s still together after all the sh*t they’ve been through? Your butt cheeks.

 

93. What’s the difference between a g spot and a golf ball? Men will search for a golf ball.

 

94. What’s the difference between a blonde and a washing machine? A washing machine doesn’t follow me home after I dump a load in it.

 

95. What’s a woman’s favorite thing to put in her mouth? Top Ramen.

 

96. What do a near-sided gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

 

97. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry her.

 

98. What is the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re 12 to come on your face.

 

99. What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

 

100. What’s better than a cold Bud? A cold Busch?

 

Smart Joke of the Day for Adults

 

101. What did the hooker’s right knee say to her left knee? We should get together more often.

 

102. What’s the difference between you and an egg? An egg gets laid.

 

103. If a little person says your hair smells nice. Is that s3xual harassment?

 

104. What do you do when you’re a man trapped in a woman’s body? You pull out.

 

105. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say to clients as they’re leaving? Thanks for coming!

 

106. What rhymes with a kick? Pick

 

107. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.

 

108. What is Moby Dick’s father’s name? Papa Boner.

 

109. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged.

 

110. Every man has one. It feels great when you blow it and if you’re not careful, it may drip. What is it? A nose.

 

Not for Kids Jokes

 

111. What do a lesbian and a mechanic have in common? They both use snap-on tools.

 

112. How do you spot a blind guy at a nude beach? It’s not hard.

 

113. What’s the difference between you and a pair of glasses? Glasses seem to fit higher on my face.

 

114. What do a boyfriend/girlfriend and a math test have in common? They’re both something we could cheat on.

 

115. What’s the difference between Covid and your legs? I don’t want Covid to spread.

 

116. What stays moist when you tie up its legs? A turkey.

 

117. What’s long and hard and full of seamen? A submarine

 

118. What goes in hard and comes out soft and wet? Chewing gum.

 

119. What are 3 two letter words that mean small? Is it in?

 

120. What do a good woman and a good bar have in common? Liquor in the front and poker in the back.

 

Dark Humor Adult Jokes

 

121. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopus.

 

122. Are you a coconut? I want to smash you until all the white stuff comes out.

 

123. What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common? They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”

 

124. What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? The Head nurse

 

125. What’s white and 14 inches long? Nothing.

 

126. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? Because his right hand caught on fire.

 

127. What is the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear and one’s a great year.

 

128. What starts with d and ends with ick? Drumstick.

 

129. What’s the best waterslide for kids? Your throat.

 

130. What’s the best thing about gardening? Getting down and dirty with your hoes

 

Good Jokes

131. Do you need a carpenter? Because I could nail you then hammer you.

 

132. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? I want you inside me.

 

133. What do a pizza delivery person and a gynecologist have in common? They can both smell it but can’t eat it.

 

134. What do a boyfriend and a spider have in common? Women always exaggerate how big it is.

 

135. What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together we can stop this sh*t.

 

136. Why does a woman prefer an old gynecologist over a new one? Because the old one has shaky hands.

 

137. Why don’t witches wear underwear? Because they need a better grip.

 

138. Why are women like Popeye’s? Because once you’re done with the breast and thighs all you have is an empty box to put your bone in.

 

139. Why do women talk so much and why do guys think so much? Because one has two lips and one has two heads.

 

140. What’s the difference between a job and marriage? A job still sucks after 10 years.

 

Hilarious Jokes

141. What’s the difference between you and the refrigerator? The refrigerator doesn’t moan when I put my meat in it.

 

142. What’s the difference between me/you and a mosquito? A mosquito will stop sucking once you slap it.

 

143. Want to know how to fit 71 people in the car? 2 in the front while we handle 69 in the back.

 

144. What has 148 teeth holding back a monster? My zipper.

 

145. What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker could wash her crack and resell it.

 

146. Want to know a proven way a man and woman can be friends without s3x? Marriage.

 

147. What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don’t get the proper support, people will think we’re nuts.

 

148. What’s a lesbian’s love language? Speaking in the tongue.

 

149. What did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales? They grabbed him by the jewels.

 

150. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? “I want you inside me.”

 

Best Jokes

 

151. Is your name winter? Because you’ll be coming soon.

 

152. Do you smoke pot? Because weed is cute together.

 

153. Do you work at Build-A-Bear? Because I’d stuff you.

 

154. I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.

 

155. I’m no weatherman but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.

 

156. Baby, I last longer than a white crayon.

 

157. I’m not usually into hunting, but I’d love to catch you and mount you all over my house.

 

158. Let’s play carpenter. First, we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.

 

159. I lost my keys… Can I check your underwear?

 

160. Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.

 

Thanks for reading!

Big Bill Rizer

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