69+ Funniest Oil Jokes & One Liners

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Friday, 23/09/2022 09:09

    69+ Funniest Oil Jokes & One Liners

 

Oil Jokes: Oil is the new gold and no one understands this phrase better than the Arabs. If you have oil, you can run the whole world (literally). Without making the things too oily, let’s jump on to the slippery collection of funny oil jokes that will make your laughter greasy as hell.

 

 

Hilarious Oil Jokes

If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of……..

The price of oil has dropped so far that…
Exxon-Mobil had to lay off 25 Congressmen.

Me: Would you like some olive oil on your pasta?
Customer: Is it extra virgin?
Me: *tearing up* No it’s the same price

I bought some engine oil for my bike …
But it was too thick, so I thinned it out with some gasoline, but then it was too thin, so I added more oil, but I just can’t seem to get it right. It’s a viscous cycle.

 

What happens when a black person gets in a car? the check oil light turns on

whats the difference between stephen and a car. a car loses oil, stephen loses the ability to walk.

How much oil was needed by Christopher Columbus for getting to America?
3 Galleons.

Yesterday I made food using oil- Olive oil (I love oil)

Q: How do you make a fire?
 A: Oil and dead babies

What’s the difference between a software salesman and a snake oil salesman?
The snake oil salesman knows what’s inside the bottle…

Although I have reached 20 years of age this year, I have never made use of essential oils.
This makes me ponder how essential these oils actually are.

While I went to the supermarket in the morning, I met with a mishap when all of the Omega-3 fell on me.
I am OK, and I was assured by the manager that my injuries had been Super fish oil.

The reason why Saudi Arabia has so much money is not because of oil, .
but, because they wouldn’t let their women spend it

Karen got hired to an offshore rig during the pandemic.
She’s an essential oil worker now.

Cheap oil, no immigration and no school shootings.
Corona did what Trump promised.

How is Popeye like canned artichokes?
They both come in Olive Oil!

What is going to be the ideal time for cleaning up an oil spill?
When it is dawn.

What is the most reputed oil painting in the world called?
The Gulf of Mexico.

For what reason should kale be cooked in coconut oil?
Because it becomes easy to slide the kale into the trash.

What do you call an oil stain that lasted for 1000 years?
Ancient grease.

Americans are so lucky
Americans are so lucky that wherever they fight terrorism they manage to find oil.

What did the oil refinery plant say to the offshore drilling platform?
Send crudes.

I saw a 2000 year old oil stain.
It was from ancient Greece.

An Arab oil sheik is standing in a Paris gallery
He says, “I admire Picasso. No one has sold his oil as expensively as he did.”

What kind of oil is used by the orcs in their appliances?
Mordor Oil.

What is common between sex and oil changes?
None of them earns the faith of my wife.

Why do depressed Frenchmen consume so much olive oil?
It gives them a huile d’olive

Being a stripper is like working at McDonald’s….
Covered in oil and questioning your choices after high school.

An entire industry has just collapsed.
Virgin coconut oil is no more a thing.

After falling into a pan of boiling cooking oil, the rodent transformed into a Chris Pratt.

In case Virgin olive oil happens to be good, Extra Virgin olive oil is even better.
It is a fact that Incel olive oil ought to be astounding

What type of essential oil is effective at getting rid of individuals?
Pepper spray.

What do Popeye and sardines have in common?
They both come in olive oil.

my friend is addicted to brake oil
he says he can stop any time he wants to.

Where is a Furries favorite place to get an oil change?
Yiffy Lube.

About 1,400 olives are pressed in order to make 1 liter of olive oil, 8,435 sunflower seeds to make a liter of sunflower oil…
Don’t even get me started on baby oil

Does anyone know where I can get a longer dipstick from?
Mine doesn’t reach the oil anymore..

Almond oil is made by crushing almonds,

Peanut oil is made by crushing peanuts, coconut oil is made by crushing coconuts.
I really feel horrible about all those babies.

Essential oils are nothing but bullshit.
After drinking 3 bottles, I am now suffering from diarrhea and headache. 

How do you make extra virgin olive oil from regular olive oil?
Dating advice from a Redditor.

I told my wife to make sure the coconut oil is mixed nicely with the kale
so I can easily scrape it into the garbage.

What’s everyone’s favorite essential oil?
As an American, I’ve gotta say petroleum.

Someone needs to start selling toilet paper infused with CBD oil
To calm all your asses down

In Italy, they call me Olive Oil
Its because im extra virgin. 

I have the most boring job of all…
I run an oil drill rig.

There are 3 types of olive oil.
Virgin Olive Oil
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
And Olive Oil with a questionable past

I got olive oil in my bed
Shhhh… Don’t tell Popeye!

I’m going to teach you how to speak Irish in the spirit of diversity.
Say, “Whale oil beef hooked” quickly.
Bonus: for Australian say, “Good eye might.”

Is it crude to make oil jokes now?
Nah, it’s oilright.

Just been assaulted in a health food shop! Someone threw a massive bottle of cod liver oil tablets at me.
Fortunately I only suffered super fish oil injuries.

I feel bad for the man who died from drowning in oil.
Such a crude way to die.

What did the dinosaur say when it saw the meteor?
“Well, oil be!”

Whom did the German philosopher quote when his friend dipped his hand in boiling oil?
Johann Gottfried

If weed is the devils lettuce, then…
Hash Oil is the devils salad dressing

From my dad: What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?
Your camera.

I set up a production business for oils that clear up colds and nasal blockages.
An olfactory oil factory.

 

Man: can you cook? Woman: can you change the oil in my car?
Man: not on an empty stomach

Thanks for reading!

 
Big Bill Rizer

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