247 FUNNY Rock Jokes That Are Absolutely Gneiss!

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Wednesday, 03/08/2022 09:08

     247 FUNNY Rock Jokes That Are Absolutely Gneiss!

 

Read some of the funniest rock jokes we’ve collected. These jokes include rock jokes, geologist jokes, geological jokes, mineral jokes, and more.

 

Let’s begin by looking at some fascinating scientific facts so that we may get some new knowledge about rocks. There are three primary categories of rocks, which are sedimentary, metamorphic, and igneous rocks respectively. The crust of the Earth is the primary location for the discovery of igneous rocks, which are predominantly composed of volcanic and molten material.

 

Rocks are said to have experienced metamorphism when they have been subjected to intense heat and pressure. Sedimentary rocks are formed from fragments of stone as well as plant and animal remains that have become embedded in the ground through time. Geology is the study of rocks and mineral formations.

 

 

Why did the quartz find the rock guilty?

They had concrete evidence.

 

Why did the rock and the stone break up?

The trust in their relationship eroded.

 

Why couldn’t the rock and stone keep dating without trust?

It was the bedrock of their relationship.

 

How do geologists like to relax?

In rocking chairs, of course!

 

What does the water in a geologist’s cup do?

Evaporite.

 

What do hipsters think of carbon?

They liked it before it was coal.

 

Why did the hipster like the rock?

It was magma before it was cool.

 

When they started dating, what did the rock say to the stone?

We’re going rock steady.

 

What did one volcano say to the other volcano?

“Hey, do you want to be my lava?”

 

Did you hear about the drunk geologist?

He finally hit rock bottom.

 

Why did the volcano sit around all day instead of getting a job?

He was an inactive volcano.

 

Which rock group is made up of four men who can’t sing?

Mount Rushmore.

 

Why isn’t it safe for a rock to marry a piece of paper?

Because paper beats rock.

 

Why did the rock go to jail?

The quartz found him guilty.

 

Why can’t minerals ever lie?

They’re always in their pure form.

 

You didn’t think these were good puns?

Of quartz they were!

 

What did the stone say when he ended up at the bottom of the hill?

That’s how I roll.

 

How were the rock and the stone’s relationship at first?

Solid.

 

What do you call a rock that never goes to school?

A skipping stone!

 

Why is it hard to be a diamond?

Too much pressure.

 

What is a geologist’s favorite treat?

Rock candy.

 

What do geologists do when they find an empty cup?

Phyllite.

 

Where do geologists study?

At sedimentary school.

 

What do lazy rocks do?

Sit around all day getting stoned.

 

How did the rock feel about going to jail?

He was petrified.

 

What did one volcano say to the other volcano?

Nice ash!

 

Did you hear about the rock dating the stone?

It was not just a plutonic relationship.

 

Who is a geologist’s favorite band?

The Rolling Stones.

 

What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?

This is too much pressure.

 

Do you want to hear the best rock puns?

Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.

 

Oh, you were looking for rock jokes?

Let’s see what we can dig up.

 

Why did the rock sleep all day?

He was a bedrock.

 

What did the vampire say to the geologist?

Albite.

 

Why don’t geologists argue?

They’re too pelite.

 

Did you see the geologist towing a crate of rocks behind his car?

He had a wide lode sign.

 

 

Funny Rock Puns

 

 

How about we just give in to the rock puns? See if you can see the humour in these puns on quarries and gravel, pick your favorite and share this with anybody you know who also appreciates rocks and minerals.

 

Be patient with geologists

— they all have their faults.

 

Geologists love music, but their playlists get boring

— they’re only rock and roll.

 

A geologist’s favorite restaurant is the Hard Rock Cafe.

 

“I’m going to look for gems this weekend, and I may need your assi-stones.”

 

The new geology teacher hasn’t had it easy

— he got off to a rocky start.

 

Sherrock Holmes’ famous line is: “Sedimentary, my dear Watstone.”

 

This book about rocks is a fascinating pebble-cation.

 

A geologist’s favorite drink is anything on the rocks.

 

It takes a boulder person to read through this list of puns.

 

“I liked carbon before it was coal.”

 

“I’m getting really sick and tired of always getting called to school because the only types of rock my son knows are punk, classic, and heavy metal.”

 

Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.

Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.

 

A geologist’s favorite fruit is the pome-granite.

 

“I want to make an impact on the world

— I do things for the crater good of humanity.”

 

There’s no halfway with a geologist

— it’s all ore nothing.

 

“I’ll never take you for granite.”

 

That rock was magma before it was cool, know what I mean?

 

So let’s start with a clean slate.

 

Geology rocks, but Geography is where it’s at.

 

Taking about rock puns slowly eroded what was once a good friendship.

 

You must remember to keep your coal.

 

Geologists don’t wrinkle, they show lineation!

 

“My rock collection has so much sedimental value.”

 

"My rock collection has so much sedimental value."

 

“I may be obsessed with rocks, but that’s my pre-rock-ative.”

 

The geologist was found guilty in a quartz of law.

 

“I lava you so much!”

 

“I think my career as a geologist is really on the rocks.”

 

 

Stone Puns

 

 

 

Of quartz! We also have these hilarious stone puns. The list won’t be complete without them. Have a good chuckle with this compilation!

 

It is true, you should never take life for granite.

 

It’s definitely crystal clear that these puns about rocks are very punny.

 

You’ve got to commit to geology, it’s all ore nothing.

 

Geology puns are great, they really draw pebble together.

 

He just igneous me whenever I try talking to him.

 

Power to the pebble.

 

I love the beach, you could even say I was a pebble person.

 

The quartz will probably find him guilty.

 

Of quartz it is!

 

I don’t want to chalk about it.

 

Look who’s chalking!

 

I love to enjoy some small chalk.

 

If you’re going to claim to be the best stone mason, the least you could do is have some concrete proof.

 

If you’re going to claim to be the best stone mason, the least you could do is have some concrete proof.

 

Some of your jokes fluorite over my head.

 

They are gravelling at my feet.

 

That geologist gave me the coal shoulder.

 

You need to be boulder during your presentations.

 

 

 

Geology Puns

 

 

 

Geology puns are often quite funny and a terrific way to make your loved ones chuckle. The top picks are listed below. What is your favourite pun?

 

Geologists never lose their luster!

 

Geologists dig Mother Earth.

 

Geologists get their rocks off.

 

Geologists do it on the rock

 

So resourceful! And so helpful! A good geologist always knows where to dig.

 

So resourceful! And so helpful! A good geologist always knows where to dig.

 

Relationships are hard.

Especially when someone won’t admit their own faults.

 

Apparently, geologists don’t ever get a pit in their stomachs.

 

When a geologist passes away, you have to barium.

 

If your favorite band isn’t the Rolling Stones, then you’re not a real geologist.

 

Geologists love to talc about science every day!

 

I don’t like being called a geologist.

I prefer the term rock-star!

 

Never expect perfection from geologists.

They all have their faults.

 

Geologists are so gneiss!

 

Geologists are so gneiss!

 

Geologists sure know how to make a mountain out of a molehill.

 

If your favorite movie is not Pyrites of the Caribbean, are you even a geologist?

 

Geologists sometimes like to party allanite long!

 

Geologists really take nothing for granite.

 

If you tell a geologist a mountain pun, they won’t ever get over it.

 

You can tell that a geologist is a fan of Star Wars when their catchphrase is ‘May the Quartz be with you!”

 

When a geologist is apologizing, he or she must gravel at your feet!

 

Geology rocks, I really dig it.

 

Kiss a geologist and feel the earthquake.

 

Geologists are usually hipsters. They’re only into underground stuff!

 

Geologists are usually hipsters. They're only into underground stuff!

 

Geologists have their faults.

 

Geologists can be very sedimental.

 

Geologists make the bedrock.

 

 Geologists don’t wrinkle, they show lineation!

 

Old geologists never die, they just recrystallize.

 

Geologists will date anything.

 

 

Geologist Jokes

 

 

 

Geology is the study of the composition, structure, history, and natural activities that take place on Earth. Geology is a fascinating topic that enlightens us on how the earth has evolved. Enjoy the finest of the jokes about geologists; we’ve included some of the greatest ones here.

 

Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza?

To get their “Rock” On.

 

What did the Psychologist tell the geologist?

“Every decline is a great Break Through”

 

What happens when you look up geology jokes?

You know you’ve hit rock bottom!

 

What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!

 

Why wasn’t the geologist hungry?

He lost his apatite.

 

Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?

They consider a million years ago to be Recent.

 

Did you hear the one about the geologist?

He took his wife for granite so she left him.

 

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?

SWAG.

 

Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry?

He wanted to get a little boulder.

 

What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist?

A chemist will drink anything that is distilled.

A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.

 

What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?

I Lava You!

 

What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!

 

Mountains aren’t funny….?

They’re hilarious.

 

Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School?

He was a dirty layer!

 

What’s black, white, purple, yellow and blue?

Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.

 

Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?

They know really “dirty” jokes.

 

Did you know that geologists are athletic?

Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.

 

Watson: Holmes! What kind of rock is this?

Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.

 

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.

 

Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?

He just couldn’t put it down.

 

Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.

 

What happens when someone throws a rock at you?

You hit RocksBottom.

 

What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?

“Au revoir”

 

What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.

 

What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic?

No FRACKING way!!!

 

What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron?

A KNiFe.

 

Wanna hear the mountain joke?

Nah, you won’t get over it

 

What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?

Coca-Cola Clastic

 

Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?

Because they get hammered and stoned.

 

Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car? Because they get hammered and stoned.

 

Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?

Because it’s basic material.

 

What did the Cowboy Chemist tell his horse?

HIO Ag!

 

If H20 is water what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming.

 

According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse?

Because it’s made up of alkynes of people.

 

What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

 

What’s wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium?

its CoRn Y

 

What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!

 

How did the blonde define hydrophobic on her Earth Science exam?

Fear of utility bills.

 

What fruit contains Barium and double Sodium?

BaNaNa!

 

What fruit contains Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa!

 

What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy?

Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe

 

 

 

Mineral Puns

 

 

 

Minerals jokes are humorous. There are some inside jokes about minerals and sediment that will make you laugh aloud. Give it your best shot by reading any puns or riddles where the setup or punchline is a topic with answers. We sincerely hope that you will find these mineral puns amusing enough to share and make others laugh.

 

Someone asked me about minerals that are long-term contributors to lung cancer the other day,

I just answered asbestos I could.

 

My friend started a company that digs rocks and minerals.

He’s just mining his own business.

 

Why can’t you purchase minerals by gallon?

They only come in quarts(z)

 

How does a sex worker extract precious minerals from the Earth?

They strip mine.

 

If minerals were people, who would be the poorest?

Stibnite, because it’s antimony.

 

Where do you get bare minerals from?

A strip mine.

 

How many rocks did Hank Schrader have in his collection by the end of Breaking Bad?

None, they were all minerals.

 

Whose underground shaft should we dig for minerals in?

Mine.

 

Whose underground shaft should we dig for minerals in? Mine

 

A couple called our company to remove some cancerous silicate minerals in their insulated home

I’ll try to remove them Asbestos I can.

 

I have an obsession with polishing minerals!

I hope that(‘s) crystal(‘s) clear

 

Eating a rock is actually good for you.

It’s full of minerals!

 

What do you call the chemical bond in minerals?

A gems bond

 

The mineral that makes up tooth enamel is called Apatite

 

After drinking mineral spirits…

I told the minerals to go home, they were drunk.

 

Mineral water can be non-carbonated.

But it’s still water.

 

Scientists have discovered a mineral that can stop you from sneezing.

Gesundhite.

 

What do you call it when you can’t locate your favorite apatite specimen?

A loss of apatite.

 

what do you call it when you can't locate your favorite apatite specimen? a loss of apatite

 

 

 

Gem Puns

 

 

 

A gemstone is a mineral crystal that has been cut and polished and is used to create jewellery or other adornments.We hope you also find this collection precious like gems.

 

My dad dropped this gem during breakfast.

 

Driving past an antique store with my dad and he drops this gem…

 

I came across this gem earlier.

Emerald.

 

My 10-year-old came up with this gem..

 

Got my wife with this gem…

 

What do you call a gem 6ft under the ground?

My grandmother.

 

I know this gem of a procrastination joke.

I’ll tell you later.

 

What’s the Pokemon Sableye’s birth sign?

Gem-in-eye.

 

What’s the Pokemon Sableye’s birth sign? Gem-in-eye

 

 

Granite Puns

 

 

 

Everyone will love these granite puns. Have a go and pick up some of the best granite puns we have for you. 

 

Rock is great but….

You shouldn’t take it for granite.

 

The dumb geologist had a gold ore in his backyard.

Poor man took it for granite.

 

A man burglarizes homes so he can afford to renovate his kitchen…

I guess you could say he’s taking things for granite.

 

My girlfriend was raving about our neighbors Marble Countertops.

I was unimpressed, but maybe I just took them for Granite.

 

I’m no geologist.

But when I look at mountains in the morning I take them for granite.

 

I met a rock salesman once.

He really took his money for granite.

 

Trump reportedly asked to be added to Mount Rushmore.

Turns out granite isn’t a dense enough material to represent him.

 

Sometimes I forget how beautiful the mountains are.

I really take them for granite.

 

I love you marble

But I won’t take you for granite.

 

I love you marble But I won't take you for granite

 

My mom stole money from me to buy new countertops.

She seriously needs to stop taking things for gran.

 

I had to leave the granite industry.

It was counterproductive.

 

As a rock salesman, I’ve had great success with money.

Sometimes I take it for granite.

 

Is lava wet?

Maybe so but I’m not taking it for granite.

 

I just quit my job at the quarry

they took worker safety for granite.

 

Quartz countertops are very unappreciated.

Most people take them for granite.

 

 

Pet Rock Jokes

 

 

 

There are some pet rock jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read these jokes. We hope you will find these pet rock jokes funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

 

Got a pet rock yesterday…

…I told him to roll over

 

I loved my pet rock.

Our friendship was solid.

 

Apparently some pet rocks are braver than others…

I understand they’re a little boulder.

 

Apparently some pet rocks are braver than others... I understand they're a little boulder.

 

People tell me my pet rock is worthless…

but I think it has sedimental value.

 

My pet rock has started talking and asked me how babies were made.

I told him I would explain when he was a little boulder!

 

 

Fidget spinners are useless.

Says the generation that bought 1.5 million pet rocks.

 

How do you discipline your pet rock?

You hit rock bottom

 

I lost my pet rock in Morocco.

Where did Morocco?

 

At least people that have hit rock bottom are disciplining their pet rocks.

This joke brought to you by my ten-year-old son.

 

When I’m feeling shy, I like to think about my pet rock…

It always inspires me to be a little boulder.

 

When you have a pet rock

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Training my pet rock

Friend: That’s dumb

Pet Rock: *leaps from my hand & hit him in the face*

Me: No Rocky, No!

 

I named my pet rock after a wrestler.

Stone Called Steve Austin.

 

I named my pet rock after a wrestler Stone Called Steve Austin

 

Schizophrenia is nothing to joke about.

That’s what my pet rock told me.

 

 

Rock Jokes for Kids

 

 

 

If you are looking for rock jokes for kids, this collection got you covered. If you toss one of these rock jokes at someone, their tummy will hurt so bad because they can’t stop laughing so hard.

 

Why was the ground concerned after the earthquake?

Because it became the epi-center of attention

 

Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?

Because they get hammered and stoned

 

Why does a space rock make the best rock soup?

Because it’s a little meteor.

 

What do you call a rock that complains?

A whin-estone.

 

What did Sherlock Holmes say when Watson asked what type of rock he was holding?

“Sedimentary, my dear Watson”.

 

Why was the rock not quick to jump to a conclusion?

Because it was a bit pegmatite.

 

What do people love most about geologists?

Geologists are so down to earth.

 

What do people love most about geologists? Geologists are so down to earth

 

What did the rock want to be when it grew up?

A rock star.

 

What do rocks use for personal hygiene?

Geoderant.

 

What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?

Au revoir.

 

Why are geologists no fun at parties?

They like to be stone-cold sober

 

What do rocks eat?

Pom-a-granites

 

What do you call small rocks?

Mini-rals

 

What do you call small rocks? Mini-rals

 

What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?

You know that you have really hit rock bottom

 

What did the rock say to the word processor?

Boulder.

 

Why did the rock shower every morning?

He wanted to start with a clean slate

 

What is a mountain climber’s favourite drink?

Anything on the rocks

 

Why are geologists great dates?

They are very sedimental

 

What is a geologist’s favourite type of music?

Hard rock.

 

What is a geologist’s favourite type of music? Hard rock

 

What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?

This is too much pressure.

 

How did the rock feel when he got covered in algae?

He was lichen it.

 

What did the gold say to the pyrite?

You’re a fool and a fake.

 

Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?

Because it was on shale.

 

Why was the geologist puzzled at the comedy show?

Because some of the jokes fluorite over his head.

 

What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?

A sham rock.

 

What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake? A sham rock

 

Why was the brick so arrogant?

Because it was the cornerstone of a large building.

 

What did the motivational geologist say?

Don’t take life for granite.

 

What did Darth Vader say to the geologist?

May the quartz be with you.

 

What did the diamond say to its friend copper?

Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc.

 

Why did the tectonic plates break up?

It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.

 

When were rock puns the funniest?

During the stone age.

 

Big Bill Rizer

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