60 Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults That You Need To Hear!

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Satuday, 02/04/2022 04:04

   60 Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults That You Need To Hear!

 

Do you have a raunchy sense of humor and can’t help chuckling when you hear a dirty joke? You don’t need to apologize if you have a dirty sense of humor. Many do! Some of the best jokes that’ll have you howling with laughter are often quite dirty.

 

Want to add more to your collection of crude jokes? Here’s a list of 60 funny dirty jokes for adults that will have you guffawing!

 

 

#1. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals.

#2. What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather; perverted is when you use the whole bird.

#3. How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.

#4. What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name? Papa Boner.

#5. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.

#6. Two sperm swimming side by side were having a conversation. One sperm asked the other, ‘‘How far till we reach the fallopian tubes?” The other replied, “Not sure, but we just passed the esophagus.”

#7. What’s the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with boobs? One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

#8. What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

#9. What do you call two jalapeños getting it on? Fucking hot!

#10. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.

#11. What do boobs and toys have in common? They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.

#12. What did the O say to the Q? Dude, your dick’s hanging out.

#13. What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart? You are the wind beneath my wings.

#14. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.

#15. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin’ off.

 

Dirty Knock Knock Jokes

 

#16. Knock, knock. Who’s there?

Khan. Khan who?

Khan-dom broke. I hope you’re on the pill!

#17. Knock, knock. Who’s there?

Ice cream. Ice cream who?

Ice cream all night if you’re lucky.

#18. Knock knock. Who’s there?

Fire! Fire who?

It’s not that bad. I just need someone to blow me.

#19. Knock knock. Who’s there?

Ivana. Ivana who?

Ivana lay you.

#20. Knock knock. Who’s there?

Heywood. Heywood who?

Heywood Jablowme.

#21. Knock knock. Who’s there?

Please pray for. Please pray for who?

Me, I can only do the missionary position.

#22. Knock knock. Who’s there?

Harry. Harry who?

Harry Anus.

#22. Knock Knock. Who’s there?

Howie. Howie who?

Howie gonna get it on if you won’t open the door?

#23. Knock knock. Who’s there?

Cam. Cam who?

Camel toe! Do you have pants I can borrow?

#24. Knock knock. Who’s there?

Dewey. Dewey who?

Dewey have a condom ready?

#25. Knock knock. Who’s there?

Amanda. Amanda who?

Amanda lay you, your lonely nights are over!

#26. Knock knock. Who’s there?

Ben Dover. Ben Dover who?

Ben Dover and find out!

#27. Knock, knock. Who’s there?

Anita! Anita who?

Anita you right now!

#28. Knock, knock. Who’s there?

Not your wife.

#29. Knock, knock. Who’s there?

Iguana. Iguana who?

Iguana touch your butt.

#30. Knock, knock. Who’s there?

Kiss. Kiss who?

Kiss me!

 

Funny Dirty Jokes For Him

 

#31. Let’s play Titanic, you’ll be the iceberg and I’ll go down.

#32. What’s long, hard, and full of semen? A submarine!

#33. What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself? A tearjerker.

#34. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year.

#35. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? The man.

#36. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We’re closed.

#37. What’s the difference between a microwave and a woman? Men can push the microwave’s buttons and still turn it on.

#38. They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

#39. What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

#40. Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

#41. What do you do when your cat’s dead? Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.

#42. If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

#43. What does Pinocchio’s lover say to him? Lie to me! Lie to me!

#44. What’s the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber.

#45. What do you call an expert fisherman? A master baiter!

 

Funny Dirty Jokes For Her

 

#46. What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection? A Quarter Pounder with Cheese.

#47. What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn’t? Her navel.

#48. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.

#49. I’m always on top of important things. Would you like to be on the list?

#50. Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.

#51. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? I want you inside me.

#52. How much did you pay for those pants? Because you can get them 100% off at my place.

#53. Is your name highway? Because I want to ride you all night long.

#54. Are you a balloon? Because I want to blow you.

#55. Do you have a switch? Because I want to turn you on.

#56. Are you an elevator? Because I wanna go up and down on you.

#57. What do you call a virgin laying in a waterbed? Cherry float!

#58. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lick-a-Lott-o-puss.

#59. Are you from China? Cause I’m China get in those pants.

#60. What’s the difference between “Ooh” and “Aah”? About three inches.

 

Wishing you a very happy smile in the new month!

Big Bill Rizer

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