30 Extremely Dirty Jokes You’ll Want To Tell Your Best Friends (But Never Your Parents)

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Tueday, 16/11/2021 04:11

   30 Extremely Dirty Jokes You’ll Want To Tell Your Best Friends (But Never Your Parents)



1. Why did the sperm cross the road?

“Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.” 


2. What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle?

“Wipe it off and say you’re sorry.” 


3. Why do mice have such small balls?

“So few of them know how to dance.”


4. What do you do if your wife starts smoking?

“Slow down and possibly use some lubricant.” 


5. A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office.

“The doctor walks in: ‘Sir, I have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.’


Patient: ‘I don’t understand, doc. Why?’


Doctor: ‘Because I’m trying to examine you.'” 


6. What’s the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period?

“You get your palm red for free.” 


7. What’s worse than ants in your pants?



8. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

“She gagged.” 


9. How do you know that you have a high sperm count?

“She has to chew before she swallows.” 


10. Three tampons are sitting at a bus stop. What do they say to each other?

“Nothing. They’re stuck up cunts.” 


11. If a midget tells you your hair smells nice…

 “…is that sexual harassment?”


12. How do you get a Nun pregnant?

“Dress her up as an altar boy.” 


13. Know what old pussy tastes like?

“Eh. Depends.” 


14. If women drink a glass of red wine, it increases the chance of a stroke.

“If she drinks the whole bottle, she might even give it a little suck.” 


15. How do you find a blind man on a nude beach?

“…it’s not hard.” 



16. Why don’t pedophiles compete in races?

“They always come in a little behind.” 


17. Why does a mermaid wear seashells?

“Because she outgrew her B-shells!” 


18. What’s the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

“I’ve never had a lentil on my chest.” 


19. Two deer walk out of a gay bar…

One says to the other, ‘Man, I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there!'” 


20. A man is sitting at the bar, his head in his hands.

“Bartender: What’s the matter buddy?


Man: It’s the worst thing ever. I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.


Bartender: Oh man that really sucks! What did you do?


Man: I told her to pack her shit and get the hell out!


Bartender: What about your best friend?


Man: I looked him straight in the eyes and said BAD DOG!”


21. What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

“The taste.” 


22. What does Trisha put behind her ears to attract men?

“Her ankles.” 


23. What did one lesbian vampire say to another lesbian vampire?

“Same time next month?” 


24. What’s the worst part about going down on your grandmother?

“Banging your head on the lid of the coffin.” 


25. A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre.

“So he gives it to her.” 


26. What’s the difference between hungry and horny?

“Where you stick the cucumber.” 


27. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a can?

“Because his wife died.” 


28. Three women are sitting at a bar arguing over who has the biggest vagina.

“The first girl says, ‘My boyfriend can fit a whole fist up there.’ The second girl says, ‘Ha, my boyfriend can fit two fists and a foot.’ The third girl just smiles as she slides down the bar stool.” 


29. What does a leper say after having sex with a prostitute?

“Keep the tip.” 


30. What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block?

“A beaver dam.” 


Thanks for watching!

Big Bill Rizer


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