THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY BLONDE JOKES NEW 2022:

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Friday, 14/01/2022 08:01

   THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY BLONDE JOKES NEW 2022:

 

 

1. A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." "I'm terribly sorry to hear that.

Why don't you go home for the day...

we aren't terribly busy.

Just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here.

I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual.

"If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde.

He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically.

He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay?

Is there anything I can do to help?" "No," re plies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

 

2. A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch.

How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde a dded, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

 

3. Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus.

The blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team down below is having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead.

She says, 'What the heck's goin' on up here?

We're havin' a grand time downstairs!' One of the blondes looks up and says, 'Yeah, but you've got a driver!'

 

4. A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas.

With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.

What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?

What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?

It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister!

I'm talking to that little idiot on your knee!"

 

5. One day 3 women went to the top of a water flume in a swimming pool.

There was a black haired, brown haired, and a blonde haired woman.

When they got to the top a genie appeared from nowhere and said "when your going down the flume shout out the on thing that you want and you will land in it at the bottom.

So the black haired woman went down and shouted "money" and landed in a load of cash, the brown haired woman went down and shouted "gorgous men!" and landed in a pile of men.

The blonde woman wasnt listening to the genie so she went down shouting weeeeeee.

 

6. A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?" The salesman said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a brunette.

She asked the salesman how much the TV was.

He said, "Sorry, we don''t sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was.

He said, "Sorry we don''t sell to blondes." She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head.

How do you know I am a blonde?" "Because that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."

 

7. In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror.

But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear.

One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror.

The brunette goes first.

"I think I'm the smartest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears.

The redhead goes up to try.

p> "I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears.

The blonde goes up.

"I think--" "POOF!"

 

8. A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin.

Out pops a Coke.

The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.

She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.

The blonde turns around and shouts, "Can't you see I'm winning!"

 

9. A guy took his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time.

After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.

"Oh, I really liked it," she said, "but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents." "What on earth do you mean???" "Well I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was: Get the quarter back!

Get the quarter back!

 

10. Two blondes are walking down the street.

One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.

She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first Blonde hands her the compact.

She looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

 

 

11. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?

A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

 

12. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?

A: Her ankles.

 

13. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?

A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"

 

14. A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons.

She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.

She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousn ess or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

 

15. A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York.

When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde,"I'm sorry.

Your ticket isn't for first class.

Could you please move to your seat." The blonde replied,"Im blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York." The attendant said,"That's fine miss, but you'll have to go to your seat." The blonde responded again, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York." This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response.

The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about the blonde.

The captain went and whispered something in the blonde's ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her seat in coach.

The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn blonde to move.

He said, "I just told her that this part of the plane wasn't going to New York."

 

16. Three women are about to be executed.

One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde.

The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready!

Aim!'' Suddenly the brunette yells, ''EARTHQUAKE!!!'' Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She say no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready!

Aim!'' Suddenly the redhead yells, ''TORNADO!!!'' Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out.

The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready!

Aim!'' and the blonde yells, ''FIRE!!!'''

 

17. A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!".

She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please." The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.

A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special.

She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.

Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde.

They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?

The second blonde replies, " They didn't last year."

 

18. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.

One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp.

They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.

The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one." The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years.

I miss my family, my husband, and my life.

I just want to go home." POOF!

The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well.

I miss my family, my husband, and my life.

I wish I could go home too." POOF!

The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?" The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

 

19. One morning this blonde calls her friend and says, "Would you mind coming over and helping me out with this killer jigsaw puzzle I bought -- I can't figure out how to get started." Her friend asks, "What's the puzzle of?" "From the picture on the box, I'd guess it's a tiger," replied the blonde.

The friend obliges, and when he arrives the blonde greets him at the front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box.

Then, he turns to her and says, "I'm afraid that no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of the tiger on the box." "Why not?" asks the disappointed blonde.

"Because, you didn't buy a jigsaw puzzle...

what you have here is a box of Frosted Flakes."

 

20. A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh!

Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157." The farmer was amazed - she was right!

So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

 

Thanks for reading. Wish you fun evening!

Big Bill Rizer

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