22 Adult Jokes Slipped Into Kids' Movies

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Tueday, 01/03/2022 08:03

   22 Adult Jokes Slipped Into Kids' Movies

 

Making children's films is a thankless job with some of the highest amounts of meddling of any production. So, everyone who makes them loses their mind, and slips in stuff that's less Little Rascals and more IT. We're talking about stuff like … 

 

 

1. Hook's Brother

 

Smee, Hook's erstwhile companion, is apparently a regular at the pirate brothel. While that's not too dark, most Peter Pan stories have Hook regularly attempt to get Peter's Lost Boys to join his crew. Which means… well, you can fill in the blanks.

 

2. Frollo Gets So Turned on by Esmeralda Pole Dancing, He Destroys Paris

 

Frollo's lust for Esmeralda isn't really played for a joke, but the scene in which it blossoms is. At the Festival of Fools, Esmeralda starts using a spear from a soldier to pole dance … while people cheer, whistle, throw goods at her … and all three male characters in the film fall hopelessly in love. God only knows what would've happened if Frollo went into an actual burlesque club.

 

3. Poor Unfortunate Souls

 

Hey, Frollo isn't the only villain who gets weirdly sexual with a hero, once you have a dirty adult mind. At one point in The Little Mermaid, one of Ursala's tentacles, aka her legs, drapes on Ariel's shoulders … while she's singing a song about how hot Ariel is. At another point, Ursula slides one of her poor unfortunate souls—you know, that thing Ariel will become if she fails—around her breasts.

 

4. Wreck-It Ralph Despines a Man

 

Mortal Kombat is a series known for its deaths, finishing moves that typically involve ripping out spines, beheading people, or doing other unDisney-esque things. Despite that, Cyborg, one of the Mortal Kombat characters featured in the film, performs a fatality on a zombie in the film. Of course, there's also a dementia joke in the movie too, plus references to video game stuff kids can't relate to, so they were never that stingy about slipping in adult stuff.

 

5. Mrs. Doubtfire’s Foreskin Eating Joke

 

You know what Mrs. Doubtfire needed to really send it over the edge? A joke about eating baby foreskins. Which it has. "I should never buy gribenes from a mohel, it's so chewy!" says Robin Williams, doing a Jewish grandmother voice. Gribenes are goose skin cracklings, and the mohel's the guy who circumcises the baby. 

 

6. Detective Pikachu Tortures a Mime 

 

Yes, Pikachu tortured a Mr. Mime. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the scene needed permission from the Pokémon Company itself, but when you learn how they pitched it, it becomes almost unthinkable. Here's the director: "I used a frame grab from Seven." You know, that movie where a serial killer cuts a head off and puts it in a box, attaches two people together, and uses a razor dildo? That was the inspiration for this scene. 

 

7. Paddington Prison Sex

 

What stuffed bear movie is complete without a joke about prison sex? Not Paddington, which included one out of nowhere. Hugh Bonneville disguises himself as a cleaning woman. "You look very pretty," says his wife. "That's what they'll say in jail," he quips. 

 

8. 101 Dalmatians 

 

Ever wanted to think about Jeff Daniels being accused of bestiality by Glenn Close? Well, look no further than 101 Dalmatians, written by John Hughes. After being told that Anita is pregnant and they’re also expecting puppies, Cruella remarks, "You have been a busy boy."

 

9. Teen Titans Kill the Waynes

 

In Teen Titans Go! to the Movies, they must journey back to the past to set right what went wrong … which includes the heroes' origin stories. After blowing up Krypton, they jovially send the Waynes down an alley, even putting the pearls on Martha before they toddle off. 

 

10. Have You Tried Not Being a Mutant?

 

Just in case you made it halfway through X2 without picking up on the movie's metaphor, Iceman's parents say this line to him when he comes out to them. 

 

11. Stuart Little's Interracial Adoption Joke

 

Stuart Little lacks a lot of writer M. Night Shyamalan signature bits, including the self-indulgent cameo. But the real Shyamalan twist comes when the adoption agency says people shouldn’t adopt outside their species … as it “rarely works out.”

 

12. Zootopia's Gonna Get Fixed

 

Zootopia has plenty of jokes playing on what happens when you apply human logic to animal behavior. For example, how are you going to pay your mortgage if you have a thousand kids? The answer? To get fixed, as one poster seen twice in the film suggests.

 

13. Fifi’s Violent Assault

 

Fifi, the feather duster and maid in Beauty and the Beast has an implied-to-be-sexual-somehow relationship with Lumiere, and thick pseudo-hips where the feathers come out of the handle. And then, later in the film, she’s turned upside down, and while screaming, her feathers are plucked out by a leering man. 

 

14. Toy Story 3's Holocaust

 

The entirety of Toy Story 3 is about the holocaust. Potentially. The mistreatment the toys get from the daycare kids is supposed to be an analog for the treatment of the Jewish people in concentration camps. What does that make the evil bear?

 

15. Who Framed Roger Rabbit's Segregation

 

The entirety of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, meanwhile, could be interpreted to be about segregation, with the toons taking the place of Black people, even down to the villain being gentrification. 

 

16. Helga's Hey Arnold Obsession is, Like Our Own, from Deep Depression 

 

Helga’s Arnold obsession is one of the larger recurring jokes in the series and film, but it might just be because she’s horribly depressed and abused, and Arnold is one of the only nice people around? Her home life is only hinted at, but it’s shown to be dark and hard on Helga, with Arnold being one of the only good parts of it. Hell, when the creators wanted to make a spinoff just about Helga, it wasn’t allowed to go through because of just how messed up it was. 

 

17. My Neighbor Totoro is about a Real Crime

 

My Neighbor Totoro is a kinder spin on an actual murder of a young girl, whose sister later committed suicide, after seeing cat or rabbit like creatures. Kinda like Totoros!

 

18. Mr. Bobinsky's Blue Because of Chernobyl 

 

Yes, the fun-loving rat trainer Bobinsky is blue … because he helped at Chernobyl. It’s never directly stated but is hinted at throughout the film.

 

19. Harry Potter treats Rohypnol like Cherry Bombs

 

Despite being responsible for Voldemort’s whole deal, and being, ya know, the worst, love potions are still sold by the Ginger Twins … to random teenagers … at their fun jokey joke shop. 

 

20. Albus’ Brother Screwed a Goat

 

Dumbledore’s brother screwed a goat. As in, made love to one. This is why he’s the outcast of the Dumbledore family. That’s his whole bit. Of course, that’s not the only cross-species sex that happens. At the end of Order of the Phoenix, Umbridge is dragged away by centaurs … and then returns, seemingly unscathed, but mentally broken. Centaurs are known throughout mythology to be rape machines. Did we mention Rowling based Umbridge on someone she actually knew?

 

21. The Marauder’s Map Shows Students Marauding Each Other

 

In the end credits for Prisoner of Azkaban, we get a brief glimpse of the Marauder’s Map, which shows all of the people in school’s feet. In one corner are two pairs of feet, and the way they’re positioned, there’s only one thing they could be doing. 

 

22. Shrek’s Voyeurism

 

Okay, it’s not Shrek, but Farquaad. His magic mirror allows him to see random hot women, wherever they are, whatever they’re doing. In the scene where he uses it, he gets a boner … and then the mirror looks at him in disgust. Honestly, we feel more sorry for the mirror than anything else.  

 

THANKS FOR WATCHING!

 

Big Bill Rizer

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